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The journal of Captain Obvious

Discussion in 'Red Dead Discussion' started by Chinny-againny, Feb 26, 2013.

  1. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    The Captain sits at his camp fire cooking up a piece of "plump bird" with a bit of oregano added for extra flavor....the Noob rides up on his horse.

    NOOB: Howdy Captain Obvious! How ya been!

    Captain: As good as one can expect......what can I do for ya?

    NOOB: I was wondering if you could tell me if people are hacking RDR 2 yet? Seems a few might be?

    Captain: Like who?

    NOOB: Rj something or other? A name like RJ3367 or something like that. He had an accent, claimed to be Saudi Arabian, and scored over 300 points in a Most Wanted match, I came in 2nd with 107.

    Captain: Well it's not unheard of for some good campers...I mean players to score high in a Showdown series....what makes you think he's cheating?

    NOOB: I shot him 8 times in a row with a Lancaster that was loaded with Express rounds and had deadeye on and he kills me with one shot? This happened multiple times. In fact this guy had 350 points and 0 deaths in the match!

    Captain: I will admit that does sound suspicious, but if he's got never without one and slow and steady.....and manages to drink tonics constantly during the match, it is possible that he could stay alive despite that many shots although that's pretty much unheard of. I'm not aware of any hackers/moders yet but you know there will be some. There's always gotta be some loser who hacks the game because they are too inferior to win on their own. Just vote em' out.....

    NOOB: Yep, that's what we did.

    Captain: Well there ya go. Problem solved. Make sure to report em' to rockstar as well!

    NOOB: You got it!
     
  2. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious is laying on a lawn chair by a stream. He is on a stretch of beach and is wearing swim trunks and a cowboy hat. The Noob rides up on his horse.

    NOOB: Hey Captain Obvious! Catching some rays?

    Captain: Well I was until you showed up and blocked out the sun. What do you want?

    NOOB: Oh. I'm glad you asked. I am wondering if there is a problem with the Beta? Every time I play Hostile Territory some guy ends up getting the MVP with hardly any kills while I'm out there busting my butt! It makes no sense.

    Captain: Well you clearly misunderstand how one earns MVP in Hostile Territory so let me explain it to you. The person who gets MVP in Hostile territory is the person who is able to hold down any particular territory for the longest amount of time during the match. They don't even need to get any kills to make it happen! In fact i've gotten it with 0 kills and 0 deaths more than once! So let's say I'm playing in Blackwater.....I get to territory E before anyone else and I hide in the theatre, and for the entire match no one comes in there or if they do I kill them with a shotgun....I get maybe 2 kills but I manage to stay and maintain that territory for the entire match and no other player has maintained a territory for that long.....so at the end of the match I get MVP.

    NOOB: Oh, so it's about how long you hold down a territory not about kills or how many different territories you capture?

    Captain: Exactly. This is why people get MVP with low kill counts. Most of the other matches are based on the total kills you get or in some cases your KD ratio. For example, in a team shoot out in Saint Denis the guy who gets MVP will not always be the one with the most kills but the one with the best KD ratio. for example, If I get 5 kills and o deaths I'll have a better chance at MVP than the guy who got 10 kills and 9 deaths because I earned more actual points....I got half the points of the other guy but I did not lose any points to the other team. the other guy got us 10 points but in the process gave 9 points to the other team which only actually gave us 1 point ahead if you think about it.

    NOOB: Also making sense now.....

    Captain: The only games where it's all about kills is regular ffa matches like most wanted or name your weapon ffa where if you get the most points or kills you get MVP.

    NOOB: It all makes sense now!

    Captain: Good. Now go and tell all of those red dead noobs online about it so I don't have to anymore. The whining is getting unbearable.

    NOOB: Okay I'll spread the word! See ya! (rides off).

    Captain: Yeah Whatever.......

    THNSAWOITS
     
  3. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious goes into the post office to get his mail and packages. While collecting bullets and tobacco he notices a letter addressed to him. He examines it and realizes that it is from the NOOB. He looks at the postmaster.....

    Captain: Seriously? it's not enough to find me on the map and annoy me....now he's sending me letters?

    (The Captain opens the letter and reads it)

    NOOB (In the letter): Dear Captain Obvious, I've found it harder to find you these days so I thought I'd just drop you a line to ask a quick question (plus if I send you a letter I won't get hit by you or attacked by that alligator...). I've been getting called a pussy in free roam when other players come after me and I ignore them because I'm just going into the post office. They are usually players under under level 50 and often don't even mange to kill me. They just get a shot or 2 on me while I'me riding by.....then they camp out outside the post office waiting for me talking smack the whole time. I don't get it.....what do you get like 20 XP for killing someone in free roam? Why not just play a showdown match if yo want to shoot at people....that's what I do?

    Captain: This is so freaking annoying......(to postmaster) You got a pen and paper bud? (postmaster hands the captain and ink bottle and a feather quill. The Captain looks at him with Disdain) Ugh. Damned old timey writing tools....(Writes letter) Dear IDIOT, some people think it's fun to troll/grief other players and they think that they are really cool for doing this. These players have more than likely already played some showdown matches and rage quit multiple times because they suck at what they do. So, they come into free roam looking for easy kills to satisfy their inadequacy in Showdown. Here's the positive, if this is all they are doing you have the satisfaction of knowing it will take them MONTHS to come even close to your rank. If they are really annoying you do what I do. Take some deadeye tonic or chewing tobacco and then gun them down with deadeye until they choose parlay or a 1 on 1 showdown and kick their ass. either way they are now the pussy because either they Parlayed because you are too good for them or they lost against you proving that you are the better player. More than likely they will just rage quit before this even happens. I've learned one thing, the more they talk crap the more they usually suck. So let em' be fools online.......who cares. Unless you are trying to complete a mission it really does not matter.

    Sincerely,

    Captain Obvious

    P.S. If you ever send me a letter again I will not reply and instead will search lobbies until I find you and then hunt you down repeatedly.

    (Captain hands letter to postmaster)

    THNSAWOITS.
     
  4. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious sits on a branch at the top of a very tall pine tree in tall trees.....

    Captain: That little shit'll never find me up here. Now I can finally have some peace and quiet......

    (Out of nowhere the noob flies in on a very colorful parachute and lands in a tree right next to the captain)

    Captain: What the? That's not fair, Parachutes weren't even invented.....nor the plane that you'd need to drop you with one! That's Bullshit!

    NOOB: Oh yeah this? I brought it over from my Fortnite account.

    Captain: Pshht! You WOULD play Fortnite......

    NOOB: Got a question for ya (takes off parachute)? Why is it that when I'm in a mathc talking to someone some idiot has to come in and mock us for what we are talking about? Why not just listen and join the conversation? Why come in and start making fun of what people are saying or how they talk?

    Captain: Well ya see kid, some people lack social skills. they really want to have friends and online friends but they lack the ability to initiate a friendship or even a normal conversation. These people should either be ignored or you could offer to help them with their social skills....I usually do that and it does not usually go well but it does give me a good laugh.

    NOOB: Thanks Captain Obvious!

    Captain: No problem. Now I am so glad I planned ahead....you about done down there boys!

    (NOOB looks down to see two lumberjacks cutting down the tree he is sitting in just in time to hear one yell TIMBEEEEEERRRRR!!!!!)

    NOOB: Oh crap.......

    (NOOB goes down with the tree)

    Captain: Adios kid.....adios.....

    THNSAWOITS
     
  5. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    I just gotta put this out there....some guy messaged me on PS4 last night asking if I used to play red dead 1. I said I did. Then he actually started talking about how he beat me all the time and that when he came into a lobby I'd leave. DUDE, seriously? Did you just look me up on the PS4 network to talk crap about a game I used to play? Get over yourself, I did not even remember who he was. Probably a cheating lag switcher as well.....
     
  6. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    The Captain is fishing by a stream near the Wapiti territory, the Noob rides up on his horse.

    NOOB: Hey Captain obvious! Catch anything?

    Captain: Got a ton of Walleye.....oh sorry "Pickerel" since clearly some Canadian named the fish in this game....

    NOOB: Ok Cool. So, the other day I was playing and some guy started making fun of everyone's character names just to start some smack talking to everyone. What's up with that?

    Captain: Some people just want to argue for no reason and there is no logic to it whatsoever. I mean in some cases it makes sense. If your name is xx57rssktttmn you deserve to be made fun of because no one can even pronounce your name....was he making fun of your gamer tag?

    NOOB: (frowning) Yes.....

    Captain: What is your gamer tag?

    NOOB: It's "Noob-boob-buttplay"

    Captain: What? Are you serious?

    NOOB: Yeah, Noob is my gamer tag and then boob was a misspell because I wanted it to be Bob and the But play means I'm a Noob but play well...

    Captain: You might wanna rethink that...
     
  7. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    The Captain wanders through the woods....he is picking berries, herbs, and mushrooms. he pulls up a bush of wild tobacco which the NOOB has been squatting behind....

    NOOB: BOO!

    The Captain jumps back startled...

    Captain: AGHH! Jesus kid!

    NOOB: Gotcha!

    The Captain slaps the NOOB across the face WHAP!

    NOOB : OW!

    Captain: Gotcha! What do you want!??

    NOOB: (rubbing face with a scowl) Well, I was wondering when it is or is not ok to talk smack on the mic?

    Captain: Good question. I guess the way I see it, join a lobby and play a few matches with the same group before you say anything. If you are winning a lot, especially in a FFA match as opposed to teams you can probably rub it in a bit if that is your thing (it's not mine but to each their own). That being said, don't talk smack if you are in a team match and win but you did not get the MVP and your team carried you for the entire match. In this scenario you are just riding someone else's coat tails who actually won the match for you so you have no right to say anything in that situation. Case and point, last night I was playing a match and some NOOB named "Atmospheo" or something like that won a Name your weapon teams match against my team. The Match ends and he says "guess what?" and I say "what?" and he says "I won" like a little brat even though his K/D ratio sucked and he did not get hardly any kills. I happened to get MVP so I said "great, I got MVP and 3 times the kills that you got so...." and then he say "Fu&k you!" Nice. Really nice. So any way the next match is Most wanted in Saint Denis which I win 1st place in and he lands in 19th place. So the match ends and I say "Guess what?" ........ there is a long pause and then finally he says "I'm starting to see why you are at level 200." So, there was no reason to talk smack in the first place because the kid only won because of his team on name your weapon. In addition, at this point no one was talking smack to this kid, and I had been on his team in a previous match and tried to help him out. The ungrateful boob.

    NOOB: Got it. So I should only really talk smack if I know I am kicking ass with my own skills as opposed to the skills of others?

    Captain: Now yer gettin' it kid, now yer gettin' it....

    THNSAWOITS
     
  8. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    NOOB rides up to Captain obvious who is hiding behind a rock near Armadillo.

    NOOB: Hey Captain Obvi-

    Captain: SHHHHHHHHHHHH! (whispering) Be quiet and get down here if ya wanna talk to me.

    (Noob gets off his horse and hides next to the captain)

    NOOB: (Whispering) Why are we hiding?

    Captain: Well, I've been getting stalked by this creeper online and I've been hiding behind this rock until he passes by so that he can't see me on the map.

    NOOB: Oh, I've had some issues with creepers myself lately....someone sent me a message asking if I was a girl because my character is female and I said no....then he asked if I was into men and some other strange sexual stuff so I blocked him. I have also decided that party chats are not for me. The other day some guy sent me a party chat request and then I was more or less stuck with him and could not talk to anyone else. Then when I left he followed me wherever I went.....this went on for hours....then every time I got back online this guy would send me a party chat request. I finally told him to just join my session and he did but kept asking me to be in a party chat. It was really weird and started to feel like he was stalking me so I had to block him as well.

    Captain: Wait....I can block people?

    NOOB: Yep. Just go into you list of friends if they are a friend and unfriend and block or look them up by name and block. According to an article the following will then happen. You will no longer be able to (nor will they)
    • Send each other messages and friends requests.
    • Add each other to a group.
    • See each other’s online and Now Playing status.
    • Send each other invitations for parties, Share Play sessions, game sessions, broadcasts, Communities, and events.
    • Join the same party.
    • Comment on each other’s activities and Live from PlayStation content.
    Captain: And here I've been hiding under a rock........
     
  9. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious sits by the fire near the butcher in Saint Denis....he is cooking a piece of meat over the fire and enjoying a cigar. The NOOB rides up on his horse looking frustrated.

    NOOB: Hey Captain Obvious how's it going?

    Captain: Well, it would be better if I could cook a piece of meat without getting shot by all of these idiots running around Saint Denis griefing everybody. Don't these guys have anything better to do? Man, that's no way to level up or earn any money/gold.

    NOOB: I hear ya, I got shot 7 times just trying to get to you. Now I've Parlayed with all seven guys and I only have 6 more minutes to talk to you before the timer runs out!

    Captain: So, if you worked that hard to get to me you must have something important to ask me.....

    NOOB: Oh, yeah right! So, what is up with people not listening to anything their team mates say in team matches like Hostile territory, Name your weapon, and the new showdown Spoils of war? I get into these matches and no one listens to me when I tell them I've played the matches 100 times and know a good strategy?

    Captain: Give me an example.

    NOOB: Well, I could go on for days but I'll give you just one example. So, when I play Hostile Territory I'll get a hold of a territory that I know I can hold down without issue for a long time, maybe even the entire match....so I tell everyone that I have the territory covered and to try for other territories so that we can get more points. Heck I even tell team mates which one would be the easiest to get, but then they all end up hovering around my territory for the entire match anyway and we end up losing the match because we only maintain one territory. What's up with that?

    Captain: There are several possible reasons for this. 1. They don't speak English. 2. They think that they know better than you. 3. They're pussies and they are scared to go for other territories. 4. They are idiots. 5. They are idiots. 6. They are idiots. 7. they don't know how to play the match despite your words of wisdom. 8. They are idiots. 9. They have chat audio turned off which makes them an idiot if they are in a team match even if they don't have a mic.

    NOOB: So basically with the exception of those who don't speak English they are a bunch of idiots who think that they are helping me even though they're not and are too dumb to follow my lead even though I am ranked high above all of them?

    Captain: Exactly.

    NOOB: Thanks Captain Obvi- (BLAM! The noob is shot by a griefier)

    Captain: (watches the Noob drop dead on the ground in front of him) Goddamnit I was going to do that! (ZING! A bullet whizzes past Captain obvious) Oh crap, I better finish cooking this meat later...... (Captain Obvious quickly jumps on his horse and rides off).

    THNSAWOITS
     
  10. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious presents.....a NOOB free post!!!!.......

    Hey kids, Captain obvious here. I'd just like to say that since the introduction of Red dead 2 the majority of players are very friendly and fun to play with. I have encountered....for the most part.....mature and interesting people to play online with. However, there's a new breed of idiot out there as well. This is the guy who comes into the Lobby and immediately starts attacking other players verbally for no reason whatsoever just because they are a pathetic prick. They try to roast you and it's even more stupid...Last night a female in the lobby said that her brother was gay and that's why she hates to hear people say faggot all the time online. I told her I had a relative who is gay and felt the same way. Then this idiot "TUNE.....something or other (Mute this guy whenever you see him)" started saying that we were all gay....I said I was not gay but that my relative was and his comeback was "so you're gay with your relatives?" What are you fu**ing 5? That's the kind of stuff people did in kindegarten. I told him he needs to work on his listening skills and then muted him and voted to kick. I also got a message last night from some player saying they reported me for cheating? Well thank you! I'm not but it's nice to know that I'm playing well enough that someone thinks that I am!
     
  11. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    YEEEEHAAAAWWWW!!!! Just hit over 30,000 views! For the 7 of you who actually read this thank you for continuing to follow my silly little thread on here....

    Captain Obvious advice of the day:

    Stop whining. I get that sometimes playing RDR2 online is frustrating. It's got issues for sure. But the more you play the better you get. That being said not every session is going to be a winner. Friday night I won 5 or 6 matches in a row and was dominating, thought I finally had it down...then Sunday I could not win a single match.....it happens. It's ok.......chill out. Don't get me wrong I gripe from time to time on the mic saying things like "AGHH! I should have had that kill" or "How did that guy just kill me WTF?" but I don't go to the extreme and whine at everybody the entire session.

    And for the last time, having a female character as a male does not make you weird or gay or anything.....unless playing Tomb Raider, or Mirrors edge is also gay?

    In addition, you haters gotta stop creating new terms to hate on those who outplay you.....if you get beaten by a lower level player they must be hacking the game, if you get beaten by a higher level player than they are a "TRY HARD" who has no life. If someone is kicking your ass every match and you don't like it....try another lobby...duh!

    The only time you should vote someone out of a match is if you know they're hacking for sure (like the guys who would make bears appear in the lobby on red dead 1 for example and then super sprint the entire match) which no one is at the moment by the way.....or if they're a complete jerk on the mic vote to kick and mute as well. Also if they are playing music over a session do the same thing. I personally love it when people vote to kick me because they never actually succeed (at least not on red dead 2) and it makes me feel good about my skills. Someone was so mad about how I played or won a match that they voted to kick me? Awesome! That's the reverse equivalent of a rage quit as far as I'm concerned so props to me for getting that vote. Heck, I don't even vote to kick the squeekers, I just mute em or sometimes listen to hear them have a melt down because that my friends can be comedy gold!

    Griefers in free roam: Seriously what's that point? You are only going to lose money doing this and rack up a bounty. Also, just like everyone else who kills me randomly, if you shoot me for no reason in free roam I am going to come after you, and I'm going to kill you multiple times until you parlay like everyone else does when they come after me so just stop it. You're only going to get butt hurt over the situation.

    Last but not least can we all just drop the hate speech? We're all in here to have fun and play the game so let's just do that. I will say that the players on RDR 2 for the most part have been one of the most fun and respectful groups that I have ever played with. It's rare that I get the haters and ragers these days which is a nice change of pace. Anyway, have fun out there kids and get those headshots!

    THNSAWOITS
     
  12. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious rides through the plains near Rhodes. It is a beautiful day.....the sun is shining, the birds are chirping and there is a nice breeze from the west....suddenly, the Captain sees The NOOB near the top of a hill. He is kicking a dead horse......

    Captain: (To self) What the F**K?

    The captain rides up to the NOOB....

    Captain: What in tarnation are you doing kid?

    NOOB: What does it look like I'm doing?

    Captain: Well it looks like you are beating a dead horse?

    NOOB: Yep, that's sure what it looks like.

    Captain: Well do ya mind stopping? It's kind of disturbing......and why are you doing it anyway?

    NOOB: Because I am mad! I am so sick and tired of idiots saying that having a female character is gay! Last night some guy started in with that crap and I told him that it's more gay to have a male character because then you're looking at a man's ass all day as opposed to a females ass....then he said it was still gay to have a female character because masturbating to a female character in a video game was gay? Who said anything about masturbation? I was just saying that having a female character does not make you gay. And how would masturbating to a female image of any kind make you gay? I agree it's a bit odd to do that to a video game character but there's plenty of animated porn out there some featuring video game characters.....and it's not gay.......not that I would know anything about that.....

    Captain: Mmmmm Hmmmm, sure ya don't know anything about that....anyway.... the next time someone says anything about anything being "gay" on Red Dead online read this to them : HOMOSEXUALITY: the quality or characteristic of being sexually attracted solely to people of one's own sex. That is literally the exact definition of homosexuality, from the dictionary. If they still say you're gay after that then they deserve a nice mute and a report to Rockstar or Sony for using hate speech.

    NOOB: Okay I'll do that. The guy was a weirdo anyway. After saying all of that he yelled at everyone in the lobby for not getting his jokes and then left in a rage.

    Captain: Most likely because he knew you were right and he was wrong and felt like a complete idiot for even throwing the masturbation thing out there...

    NOOB: Yeah, if I remembered his tag I'd block him but I don't. Ok well I'll see ya later!

    Captain: Aren't you forgetting something?

    NOOB: HMM??

    Captain: Look at the mess you made here of this poor dead horse! You can't just leave that lyin' here!

    NOOB: It's not a Lion it's a horse.

    Captain: OMFG! You are such an idiot. Grab a damned shovel. You need to dig a hole and give this poor thing a proper burial.

    NOOB: Why?

    Captain: Because if you're going to beat a dead horse you need to clean up your mess. That's why. You want me to get my buddy Alfie the Alligator to come explain it to you?

    NOOB: NO SIR! I'll grab a shovel right away.

    (Noob runs off to get a shovel)

    Captain: That kid is totally gay.........

    THNSAWOITS
     
  13. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious sits at a table in the Jade Dragon restaurant in Saint Denis eating a plate of Sichuan cold noodles. The Noob walks in....

    NOOB: Hiya Captain obvious! (takes a seat). How the heck did you get in here? Thought this place was just a front and that you could not get in?

    Captain: (slurps noodles) Special privilege for the elite.....oh and it still is a "front"......there's an Opium Den in the back.....only reason you got in here is cuz I allowed it. So...what do you want?

    NOOB: What do I want? Well some day I'd like to own an Escalade and_

    Captain: NO YOU NINNY! What do you want right now! (slurps noodles)

    NOOB: Oh......yeah right...... so what I want to know is what the heck happened to the way players act from PS3 to PS4? It used to be that if you came in talking smack on ps3 and got yer ass whopped you were the laughing stock of the lobby.....now it seems pretty standard that in most cases the very worst player in the lobby will be the first one to come in and talk smack to everyone only to come in 20th place or lower and then still continue to talk smack? It almost seems like a given that if I got into a match and a guy is talking mad smack he's pretty much going to lose....I mean....why put yourself in that position? Why not come in and just play and if you lose you don't look like a total idiot....you just end up looking like a guy who lost and needs to work on his game as opposed to a guy who talked trash like he was going to whoop everybody and then sucked outright?

    Captain: Well kid (slurps noodles)......I think I finally figured this one out. I used to think that people came in talking smack to compensate for the fact that they suck at the game, and I used to think they did it because they were bored losers with nothing better to do, and I used to think a lot of things but here's the nitty gritty of it fora ya. These guys come into a match knowing that they have no chance in hell of winning. So, they start talking smack immediately so that they can hopefully trash talk someone else enough to make them look bad. To these people this IS a win if they make this happen. They are not playing the game to win matches but are playing the game to win TRASH talking matches that occur over the MIC DURING a regular match. I know that sound crazy but I am 100% certain at this point. If they can't find fuel they'll make some as well! The other day I had my mic on but was not talking and some guy started yelling at me about button smashing during a game? I've been playing online since 2009 and no one has ever addressed this with me before. Then this guy went into a ti-raid when I responded about my daddy needing to teach me how to use a controller etc. and it just got worse from there. Now, I muted this guy after the match so in his mind he won because I muted him first. I know it sounds crazy but I think that is what is actually going on here. I know, it makes absolutely no sense and all of these guys just come off as complete idiots to everyone else but someone out there is listening and they know it so they try to find gratification through nothing but smack talking. I bet these guys don'e even care about video games....they just go into whatever lobby on whatever game has the most players and start talking smack....Sure they get a kill or two in but that is not why they are there. They are there to talk smack and that's it.

    NOOB: But, if that is their goal.......it makes more sense for them to be really good and also talk all that smack right?

    Captain: You'd think.....but that does not seem to be the way things go for these guys......now get outta here......HYAH!

    (Captain Karate kicks the noob while still seated, Noob goes crashing through the window into the street.....Captain goes back to slurping his noodles)

    THNSAWOITS
     
  14. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    The Captain sits on the edge of a boat at the port of Saint Denis. He is holding his fishing pole and smoking a cigar. The boat suddenly rocks a bit and he looks back to see the noob walking up to sit next to him. He rolls his eyes. The Noob sits down.

    Captain: What do YOU want?

    NOOB: Oh hey Captain obvious! How's it going?

    Captain: As good as one can expect.....

    NOOB: So, I was wondering, what's up with all the player using the Carbine repeater in Name your weapon matches or even worse using that weapon and camping at the same time in those matches? The kills with that gun are only worth one point!

    Captain: Yeah, I've seen that too. I figure it could be a couple things. It might be that they're a bunch of noobs who don't understand how the match works so they just use that gun thinking it's about the amount of kills, or they might not care about winning and just want to get as many kills as possible so they hide somewhere to snipe people trying to get as much XP as possible.

    NOOB: Okay I get the first part but......I get like 20 kills on average in Name your weapon with a shotgun....that's 60 points to their 20 and that's only if they even manage to get as many kills as me! They have no way of winning a match doing that! Or even getting as much XP?

    Captain: Agreed. And when their team loses they get less XP so it sort of balances out unless they're getting 30+ kills doing that which I am certain they are not since that gun is garbage anyhow. I personally miss the old days of read dead 1 when I could just do a forward roll right into a head shot!

    NOOB: Yeah that was fun....I even had a guy yell at me the other day in a Name your weapon match and say "no one uses shotguns!" when that is pretty much what everyone uses in Name your weapon. That and tomahawks.....

    Captain: Again, they're probably noobs to the game or maybe someone griefing PVP. I've seen guys in PVP just run around with a Lasso and try to hog tie people or run around with a machette trying to cut everyone....they're idiots. They'll lose the match every time. Don't let em get you down. Just run up to em. turn on your deadeye with a shotgun ready, and blast away.....

    NOOB: OK I'll do that!

    Captain: Hey Look! There's a COI fish in the water!

    Noob leans over the edge of the boat for a closer look.

    NOOB: Where I can't see it?

    Captain: Lean down a bit more to get a closer look...

    Noob leans further over the edge.....SPLASH! Captain obvious pushes the noob into the water.

    Captain: Should've seen that one coming kid......should've seen that one coming....

    THNSAWOITS
     
  15. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    NOOB: Hey Captain obvious? How come I keep getting beaten lately by guys who are under level 100 or even 50 for that matter?

    Captain: Were you born yesterday? Have you never played an online game? It's called an account reset. These are players that either decided to reset their accounts to keep their actual ability level secret or they accidentally deleted it or maybe got a new system and forgot their login.....etc.

    NOOB: Who accidentally deletes their account? What an idiot!

    Captain: Tell me about it....I used to know this guy who called himself ChinnyandLing who had his ps3 die and could not log back in when he got a new ps3 so he created a new account and called himself "Chinny-Againny" because it was ChinnyandLing a 2nd time....get it? Anyway. This idiot went to delete some old game files a few months later and screwed it up again! He deleted all his online progress for red dead 1! It happened again about 2 years later. What a tool!

    NOOB: Yeah that guy sound like a Class A idiot.....

    Captain: Ya got that right kid....ya got that right.....

    THNSAWOITS
     
  16. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain Obvious Sits on a rock on a hill near Blackwater overlooking the lake. There are three griefers simultaneously trying to throw lassos around him with no luck.

    The Noob rides up on his horse....

    NOOB: Hey Captain Obvious! How's it going?....and what the heck are these guys doing?

    Captain: well they're trying to lasso me with no luck because I'm in defensive mode and they have yet to figure out that they can't do anything to me with the new update (winks).

    NOOB: Oh I see, yeah I've got that turned on as well. Idiots. They're probably all under level 100 too....so I started doing something cool today. Wanna hear about it?

    Captain: (Sighs) Not really but you're going to tell me anyway so go ahead (rolls eyes)

    Noob: OK so I recently realized that I have great taste in music and I've decided that everyone should know this....so everytime I get online I blast music through my phone into my mic so everyone can enjoy it....cool huh?

    Captain: I'm pretty sure we've covered this before but NO! Not cool at all. have you ever heard what music sounds like through a phone much less through a gaming mic? That's like playing music in a tin can inside of another tin can!!! I don't care if the music is even good music. It sounds like crap, it hurts my ears, and it ruins the immersive play for everyone in the lobby!

    NOOB: But...don't you thin it's important to show people how cool I am by playing songs that I like and then rapping/singing along with them over the mic? Doesn't that make me super cool and show off my street cred?

    Captain: No it makes you a jerk that everyone has to mute and block. Nobody wants to hear your music or anyone else's over the mic. If you prefer to listen to music while you play and not the sounds of the game you should either play it at a low volume or turn off your mic. Have a little respect for other players in the game. Now push me real quick.

    (Noob Pushes captain)

    NOOB: Why did you have me do that?

    Captain: Hostile behavior....uh oh looks like somebody's defensive mode has been switched off!

    NOOB: Wait....what???

    (The three Griefers suddenly Lasso the Noob simultaneously and hog tie him)

    NOOB: AGHHH! Stop I was in defensive mode!!!!

    (One of the griefers throws the Noob off a cliff to his death)

    Captain: Adios kid.....adios.....oh.....and enjoy your music down there!

    THNSAWOITS (Tips Hat, Nods, smiles, and walks off into the sunset).
     

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