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The journal of Captain Obvious

Discussion in 'Red Dead Discussion' started by Chinny-againny, Feb 26, 2013.

  1. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain obvious would also like to point out the obvious by pointing out that IMAO at the top of the last message was meant to be LMAO which should be obvious.

    NOOB:HEY.....UMMM CAPTAIN OBVIOUS? UR KINDA STUPID.

    Captain obvious: STFU kid......STFU....(tips hat, punches noob in the face, and walks into the sunset)
     
  2. KittyKAT15234

    KittyKAT15234 Career Criminal

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    Thank you captain obvious! ill just try and be more clever next time :D
     
  3. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Any time kid.....any time......(tips hat as he bites into a jimmy John's sub).....
     
  4. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain obvious advice of the day: Starting or joining a clan can be fun. Everyone gets to have the same name (like john jacob jingleheimer schimdt....OMG that's my name too!), conveniently find each other on friend lists, and be semi-intimidating when coming into a match with the same name.....and in all honesty you get to conform to the rules of the dictator who leads the clan and do everything he or she says and thats super cool. It makes you feel awesome like the people of North Korea do every day. However......don't come in talking shit when half your clan sucks and you really only have 2 good players in the group....then you just look like a couple of pussies who have to depend on a clan to get through a match. Oh and when you start getting whooped don't leave the match......that just makes ur whole clan look like pussies....matter of fact.....unless you are playing gang matches do not join or start a clan......you will look like a pussy every time.
     
  5. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    NOOB: but captain obvious! I don't have any friends?

    Cap. Obvious: get over it kid.....get over it....(tips hat, backhands kid across the face, hands him a nudie mag, and walks off into the sunset)......
     
  6. DooDoo

    DooDoo OG: Original Gluesniffer

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    You talking about FFA's? There are a couple of clans that make me LOL, they appear from time to time like "LOCO_AESCENIO" and "MEXICAN_LOCOS" or some shit like that. Most of the guys in those clans are just try hards that talk shit the entire match then leave after they get handled, or they vote you out when you get ahead of them.
     
  7. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    These guys are spelling it LOKOS. They told me I was the worst player ever the other night after I beat their entire clan In a goldrush. So I guess that means their whole clan got schooled by the worst player ever? Wonder how they feel bout that.....
     
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  8. DooDoo

    DooDoo OG: Original Gluesniffer

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    Yea, that's probably them, LOKOS. They were shit talking the entire match and in the lobby, yet the majority of them went negative for fucks sake........
     
  9. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Sounds about right. My favorite is when they get mad and challenge me to a 1-v-onesie match. I respond by challenging them to a game of Paddy-cake explaining that if they are going to talk like 3 year olds I'm going to challenge them to games at their age level.

    NOOB: Hey captain obvious! You wanna go down to the park and play me 1-v-onesie in basketball?

    Captain obvious: Not until you talk like an adult kid.....it's called one on one....it requires less syllables to say it and it does'nt sound like you ride the short bus when you say it. If you wanna play 1-v-onesie I'll take you on in the following age appropriate games for that statement: Candyland, Chutes and Ladders, or peekaboo.

    NOOB: (running away crying) Waaahhh! Ur mean Captain obvious!

    Captain obvious: Ur Damn right kid.....Ur GOD Damned right.....(Tips hat, smiles with tremendous satisfaction, and walks into a store nearby to see if they have the Candyland board game in stock).
     
  10. TequilaFire

    TequilaFire Administrator Staff Member

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    Hey I liked Candyland! lmfao
     
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  11. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    I'll kick your ass in Candyland any day of the week bro, and when I'm done I'll dump your body here LMAO!
    [​IMG]MOLASSES SWAMP! lol.....
     
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  12. KittyKAT15234

    KittyKAT15234 Career Criminal

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    always looked like chocolate to me

    and the chocolate always looked so scrumptious
     
  13. Persht

    Persht Administrator Staff Member

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    Reminds me of Charley(ie?) and the Chocolate Factory >.>
     
  14. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Oompa Loompas terrify me.
     
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  15. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain obvious advice: Don't let the ragers get ya down. If ur in a match with a hacker/lagger or even worse if ur in free roam and some dumbass who actually bothered to pull the whole invincibility glitch and you leave the session out of annoyance......that does not make you a wussy/rage quitter...etc....it makes them a wuss for needing to cheat because they have no skills. If that idiot then messages you or trash talks you...forget em. They are the loser....not you.

    Oh and if you do get an invincible player in free roam and you are truly annoyed.....do what captain obvious does. Throw knives and tomahawks at them until you've hit them around 30-50 times. LOL at them and talk shit about how ridiculous they look.....then leave. Eventually a posse will find them....see that they are clearly glitching thanks to the artwork that you created in their head, and vote to kick them....whoops! Looks like someone will have to do the glitch all over again.

    NOOB: Wow captain obvious! Why didn't I think of that!????

    Captain Obvious: Because ur a noob kid......because ur a noob....(tips hat, pulls out a slim Jim, snaps into it....and walks into the sunset....as he does he passes former pro wrestler Randy Macho Man Savage who says "Oh YEAH! Snap into a slim Jim!!!!!!!)
     
  16. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Captain obvious advice of the day: Stop whining. Seriously. If you don't like how someone plays....then leave. If they are hacking......leave. Sitting at the bottom of the scoreboard with one kill (earned in the standoff) and 27 deaths while calling everyone fags will not make you look any better. Don't get me wrong....everyone does it every now and then but try to avoid it.

    NOOB: Hey captain obvious? What if I win the match and call everyone fags?

    Captain obvious: Well.....then ur just an asshole kid......then ur just an asshole (tips hat, scratches his chin, and walks into the sunset.
     
  17. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    As an added bonus, for those of you unable to visualize captain obvious here is a picture of the captain.
    [​IMG]
    For those who still require further assistance here is a diagram of the captain.
    [​IMG]
     
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  18. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    CAPTAIN OBVIOUS ADVICE OF THE DAY: Listen up kids, everyone knows how cool golden guns are. They are pretty and in a standoff you have that bling that makes all the hoe's shout damn! He a high rolla! Break me off some O' dat Kit Kat Bar!...........but don't camp to get them....you'll never get better that way....especially in a gold rush. Please play the match or leave. if you really wanna be a pussy then team up with a buddy and play a private 1 on one match ( not to be confused with a lame 1 v onesie match) and take turns shooting each other in the face until you die of boredom.

    Oh, and for the record NOOBS: The only difference between a golden gun and a regular gun is color. They do not shoot farther or more accurately. If you have earned one and feel like you do really well with it it's because you've shot 100 mofos in the head with it so you've had some practice. DUH!

    NOOB: Thanks captain obvious! Now I know!

    Captain obvious: and knowing is half the battle......(walks into the sunset.....the gi joe tag song is randomly heard in the background...)
     
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  19. Persht

    Persht Administrator Staff Member

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    Captain Obvious!!! How do i shooter further? Especially with a volcanic!
     
  20. Chinny-againny

    Chinny-againny Gunslinger

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    Well the obvious answer would be....switch to a gun that shoots farther.....like the winchester or HPP in macfarlans or a mauser in the rail station assuming that you are in a ffa match or goldrush.....of you are trying to get golden guns with the volcanic? Let it come naturally.....eventually there will be enough standoffs in railway station or macfarlans that you should be able to get a head shot every time and eventually get it to be gold. That is assuming you can aim....if however you think that you are now a badass in free roam because you earned a volcanic over the cattleman then you are an idiot. That gun sucks. I myself have gotten pretty good with the schofield and don't get me wrong I've popped some heads with the volcanic and it's gold but I never use it if I can avoid it. Matter of fact the only gun I have that isnt gold is the rolling block sniper...

    Of course please understand that the captain is well aware that this comment was made as a joke because as usual captain obvious is always able to see an obvious joke......obviously....

    What I'd like to know is how I can earn a gold Cattleman revolver......I don't think there is one FFA match where that is used...it would be quite a challenge to get 100 head shots with that rusty pea shooter....lol...
     
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